


A Dark Place

by admerxin13



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Inquisitor with depression, Iron Bull is a Good Friend, Protective Iron Bull
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 18:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13347444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admerxin13/pseuds/admerxin13
Summary: Inquisitor Avexa Trevelyan has a depressive episode and finds somewhere to hide. Iron Bull finds her, and offers her comfort.





	A Dark Place

**Author's Note:**

> So at first when I was writing this fic, I wanted to use Cullen as the person to come and comfort my Inquisitor because I feel like he is the most obvious choice to be doing that. But, as I wrote the beginning, I realized I wanted something different, and after thinking it over, realized that Bull would be the best person for the job. He already cannonically is there to take the pressure off his Kadan, and so it only makes sense that if his lover had depression, he would know best how to soothe them when they needed it, and the rest of the story fell into place for me.   
> I personally have a mild depression, but one of my friends has major depressive disorder, and we both happened to have a bad episode around the same time, and it inspired this fic for the most part. Love you, Gwenny.

A dark place

Iron Bull / Avexa Trevelyan (pre-relationship)

*Warnings: Depression, anxiety, mentions of self-harm*

It had been a bad day.  
More accurately, it had been bad for a while, and nothing was getting better for her. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a good day, but today had been too much for her.   
The worst part was knowing that others had started to notice her change in behavior. Avexa knew she had been moody. Irrationally angry at herself, she had been tearing apart her own mistakes with a ruthlessness she knew was not like her.   
She knew what the cause was, but trying to explain the illness that she suffered the effects of was impossible. It wasn’t an illness a person in power should have, and that made her feel all the weaker for it.  
She hadn’t really accepted how bad she had become today until she snapped angrily at sweet Josephine, of all people. The Antivan broke off in the middle of her sentence, staring owlishly at the Inquisitor.  
What an idiot I am! How could I do that to her? Trying not to show how close to tears she suddenly was, Avexa apologized. “Josie, I’m so sorry. I’ve been… I didn’t mean to yell at you. I…” She felt the panic in her chest tighten, making it difficult to breathe. “I… I need a few minutes, please.”  
Josephine, bless her, let out a surprised, “Oh!” before nodding. “Of course, think nothing of it, Inquisitor! I understand how stressed you must be after Adamant.” She set down her itinerary for the day’s meeting on the edge of the war table. “Let us simply meet tomorrow, then, so that you may have some private time to rest.”  
With a rushed word of thanks, Avexa dashed out to the main hall, not even attempting to greet the myriad people she passed by.  
She slipped through as quietly and unnoticed as she could, knowing that she would not be able to stand anymore from these people. She didn’t stop until she had cloistered herself far from where any would seek her out.   
The lone tower that shadowed the courtyard made an excellent place to disappear from the people housed at Skyhold, especially at the top floor. For good measure, she made sure to hoist the final ladder up behind her, blocking any from reaching that level.   
Then, and only then, did she allow her defenses to crumble. Curling up like the small child she felt like inside, Avexa let her tears finally fall, betraying the consuming darkness within her. Her misery was set loose like a tidal wave, blinding her to anything but her own tears.   
She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until she was jolted from her fetal position on the floor. For a moment, she simply stared blankly around herself into the shadows until a voice called her attention down to the opening to the lower floor.  
“Boss, you up there?” Bull. She stood, wobbling unsteadily for a moment, then moved over to the hole in the floor. How long have I been here? It’s dark outside.  
She peered down, straight into the Iron Bull’s dark eye. He relaxed visibly at seeing her, then tensed again as he studied her more closely.  
Avexa cleared her throat, even though she knew it would not keep him from hearing how hoarse she was. “Is something wrong, Bull?” She asked, trying not to show how much speaking hurt her.   
He seemed to make a decision at the sound of her. “Will you let me up there with you, Avexa?” He softened his voice, adopting a relaxed stance, still staring at her.   
She shrugged, trying to hide her episode, unsure if she could at this point. Still, she let him up with her, knowing that denying his entry would only point more towards her issues.  
As soon as the ladder was replaced, Bull was up next to her, turning and pulling the ladder back up and cutting off anyone else who might come and look for her.  
“What’s wrong, Bull?” She tried again, glad when her voice didn’t sound nearly as bad as it had before.  
His eyes never left hers, still portraying the same calm, slow movements with his body language. He finally spoke after her shoulders lost some of their tenseness, speaking soft and low, “Why don’t you tell me, Avexa?”  
It was odd enough, she thought, for him to be so soft spoken, but Bull had only ever called the Inquisitor by her name once, when she had nearly been killed in battle.  
He caught her puzzled expression, sighed and rubbed his head. “Ben Hasserath, remember?” He let his hand fall back to his side. “I can tell you’re drowning, Trevelyan. Let me help you breathe.”  
Avexa tried to hold on to her façade of strength, but despite her effort, it fell away at his words. The tears pricking the back of her eyes were hard to deny, especially in Bull incredibly observant presence.   
She wrapped her arms around her middle, looking at the floor instead of his eyes. Soon, she couldn’t keep her sniffling quiet, and the tears began cascading once more.   
Let him judge me, then. Let him see how weak I am. Pathetic, sad little girl. Stupid. Stupid, pathetic girl. What made you think you could do anything right? What fantasy do you live in?   
He was right. No matter how hard she fought, she was drowning on her own, and she would stay under unless she took the hand he offered.   
She stumbled forward, resting her head on the Bull’s chest as she finally let go of her control in front of him. She wasn’t sure if she had surprised him, suddenly grasping onto him like a lifeline, but after a split second his large arms wrapped around her back, head dropping down to supply gentle, soothing sounds as she sobbed into his chest.   
His large body felt like a fortress surrounding her, sheltering her from the darkness that seemed to pour from her. She was babbling, telling him about her constant feelings of despair, her anxiety of being in charge of and responsible for so many people.   
And as she exposed her soul to her friend, he simply listened, holding her close to him, soothing her with his words and gently stroking her head with one large hand. Although she had never thought of him as someone to confide in, she could not think of anyone else she would prefer to fall apart in front of then the Iron Bull.  
Soon she found herself curled up on his lap with him leaning his massive back against the flagstone wall, cradling her with the upmost care.   
She had stopped crying some time ago, now simply sniffing as her head lay against his shoulder. She truly felt like a child again, compared to him, but it was a comfortable feeling to be able to be so vulnerable around someone after so long.  
After some time of then sitting there together, the Qunari spoke. “I want you to promise me something, Avexa.” She looked up at him, scrubbing one hand on her cheek. “Yes, Bull?”   
“I want you to promise me that you will never let yourself get this far gone.” She froze, snapping her eyes to his. “I want you to come to me when it gets difficult. Even if you think it’s silly, or that you can handle it alone. Let me be there to help.”  
She saw the sincerity in his expression, the caring she needed in her darkest moments when all she wanted to take a blade to herself just to feel something other than the misery.   
She relaxed again at his words, nodding under his gaze.  
“I want you to say it, Avexa.”  
She placed a hand to his shoulder, “I promise, Bull. I’ll find you and confide in you when I start to feel like this.”  
He nodded, pulling her into his lap more securely, letting his chin rest on top of her head, and running his hand soothingly up and down her back once more.   
This time, as she fell asleep in his arms, she was aware of it, and softly whispered a thank you to him. She felt more than heard his answering, “Anytime, Avexa” Rumble through his chest.


End file.
